Posts Tagged ‘Music’

Me and my Guitar

Thursday, May 23rd, 2013

My Guitar


After many years of longing and watching others, I finally got my own guitar…and I’m actually learning how to play it.  I always knew that playing guitar took practice and discipline.  Being a fortunate person I have known a lot of talented musicians over the years.  Music has always meant a great deal in my life but until I took singing lessons, I didn’t realize that I could have the concentration needed to actually learn.  I admit, I am extremely distractible.

Playing and learning an instrument has made me feel more confident.  I don’t really know why.  Perhaps it’s just that I’m believing in myself more.

Learning how to be loud has been a big help.  Realizing this came when I was taking singing lessons.  Growing up I was consistently told to be quite, and to sing and play guitar or any other instrument you have to be loud.  That’s the whole point, making noise.

So off I go, learning chords and songs and being loud.  Perhaps you’ll get to hear me someday.

Life is a Cabaret!

Monday, January 21st, 2013



Speaking of things I find frightening…I’m taking the plunge tonight and auditioning for the musical Cabaret in my little town.  I did a lot of theatre when I was a teenager and although I loved it and usually got a part, I always got the non-singing roles.  The reason why is my complete fear of singing in front of people.  Well after almost a year of vocal training and a lot of putting myself out there with musician friends and such, I am finally taking the plunge and facing my fears.  I don’t really even care if I get  the part;  the process of auditioning is what I care about at this time.  If I can stand in front of a director and casting persons and sing then I know I have accomplished something.  If I choke, I know I’ll be disappointed but I will be proud of myself for trying.

Wish me luck.

The things that frighten us most.

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

the old dark houseIt has been a long time dream of mine to sing for other people.  To be able to learn how to get up on stage and just let the beautiful sounds out.  Unfortunately when I get attempt to do that, up to this point in my life, I have completely choked.  Understand that I have regularly done public speaking and hosted events from a stage.  When I was a teenager I did quite a bit of acting, but if it came to a singing part it was all over.  I just freeze up.  The strange thing is, I know I have a good voice.  I just seem incapable of using it in front of other people; even if I just suspect someone might hear me I clam up.

For the last two months I’ve been taking singing lessons with a lovely woman.  Her talent as a songstress is unquestionable and on top of that she’s super-nice.  The process of learning how to sing from her has been cathartic in so many ways.  I realized that one of my problems was that I was raised in a family where I was constantly being told to be quiet.  Making excessive noise was tantamount to farting in someones face.  My sister didn’t help as she wanted to sing as well and would discourage me from “competing” with her.  So I would lay in bed at night or hide in the basement and sing to myself very softly.  The most important thing was that no one could hear me.  I’m sure you can see how that relates to my current predicament.   When I grew up I lived with musicians and became part of that world.  Primarily my insecurities wouldn’t let me participate in the making of music.  The music community can also be quite cruel.  When I did get up the courage to want to sing I was  shot down over and over again; whether because of snobbery or because they couldn’t handle the competition depended on who it was I was dealing with.  I still see that elitism within my musical circles these days. At a certain point I had to decide not to let that stop me any longer.

Irrational fear is never something that should hold you back.  I have spent much of my adult walking straight into my biggest fears and this is probably the largest of them all.  Learning to trust my ears and know myself has been coming slowly but steadily.  I am getting louder.  I am understanding my vocal power better.  I’m opening up and letting it out.

We often hear people say that life is too short for regrets.  It’s said a lot because it’s true.  Living with regret is not something I plan on doing.  Here’s hoping you reach the same understanding