Posts Tagged ‘conquering fear’

Life is a Cabaret!

Monday, January 21st, 2013

Cabaret-showgirls

 

Speaking of things I find frightening…I’m taking the plunge tonight and auditioning for the musical Cabaret in my little town.  I did a lot of theatre when I was a teenager and although I loved it and usually got a part, I always got the non-singing roles.  The reason why is my complete fear of singing in front of people.  Well after almost a year of vocal training and a lot of putting myself out there with musician friends and such, I am finally taking the plunge and facing my fears.  I don’t really even care if I get  the part;  the process of auditioning is what I care about at this time.  If I can stand in front of a director and casting persons and sing then I know I have accomplished something.  If I choke, I know I’ll be disappointed but I will be proud of myself for trying.

Wish me luck.

Surrender

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

hot fudge sign

Must say it’s been challenging lately.  Lots of pressure and a compulsion to eat all kinds of bad for me things.  It seems obvious thinking back on it but somehow I never realized I was such an emotional eater.  Loosing my job and my lover in the same month has led me to want to comfort myself with chocolate, cheese and bread.  We all know that none of these things are particularly healthy to binge on.  Lately it seems that my veggie substitutes just aren’t cutting it.  What I’m missing is validation and physical comfort.  What I need to realize is that that does not come at the bottom of a chocolate box.

The upside is that I am recognizing what is happening and doing my best to curb cravings by looking at my issues head on and objectively.  Making choices to be self-constructive instead of destructive are challenging but not impossible.

All that I can really do is my best and that is what I’m doing now.

Talking Helps

Friday, July 13th, 2012

depressionOriginally I was going to talk about the awesome advice of Dr. Neal Barnard in this post, but then a friend posted a very interesting discussion on Facebook and it made me want to switch gears.

I suffer from depression like many others around the world and talking about it is so important.  One person, such as my friend, admitting publicly that they suffer from depression can lead to another and another person being able to admit their own feelings.

For years I was in denial.  Admitting to the sadness that had pervaded my life was a sign of weakness for me.  It meant that I, as a competent and self-driven woman was imperfect.  It meant that I wasn’t as capable of fixing all my problems as I would like to believe.  Years of my life were spent running all over the world trying to escape sadness by filling my time with adventure.  Not a bad thing considering the interesting things that I’ve done, but not really sustainable. Nor did I really connect with  a community that could support me.  I have many friends that I care deeply about but I didn’t really want them to see me in my saddest times.  Perfectionism is a nonsensical way to try to live your life in the face of a reality that nothing is perfect.

I am my own worst critic but I want to find tools to help me accept myself with all the blemishes; knowing that I will be loved, forgiven and accepted by those who truly care.

By talking about these things I hope to help others in similar circumstances.  You are not alone, as I am not alone.