Archive for May, 2013 | Monthly archive page

Me and my Guitar

Thursday, May 23rd, 2013

My Guitar


After many years of longing and watching others, I finally got my own guitar…and I’m actually learning how to play it.  I always knew that playing guitar took practice and discipline.  Being a fortunate person I have known a lot of talented musicians over the years.  Music has always meant a great deal in my life but until I took singing lessons, I didn’t realize that I could have the concentration needed to actually learn.  I admit, I am extremely distractible.

Playing and learning an instrument has made me feel more confident.  I don’t really know why.  Perhaps it’s just that I’m believing in myself more.

Learning how to be loud has been a big help.  Realizing this came when I was taking singing lessons.  Growing up I was consistently told to be quite, and to sing and play guitar or any other instrument you have to be loud.  That’s the whole point, making noise.

So off I go, learning chords and songs and being loud.  Perhaps you’ll get to hear me someday.

Fat vs. Fit

Thursday, May 23rd, 2013




After my last trip to the Doc I had to ask myself the question; Is the goal to be thin or to be healthy?  According to his scales I have actually gained weight in the last little while and obviously I’m not happy about that.  It sent me into a pretty negative head space actually.   Having been a fat girl my whole life I was really hoping that even at this late stage I could change myself to being a skinny girl.  Yes I want to be healthy and that is still the goal, but a small part of me has always wondered what it would be like to be the skinny girl.  I feel shallow when I say that; I also feel that it is pretty unattainable.  For myself the balance is between doing things that make me feel good physically with the things that make me feel good mentally.  I want to enjoy my life as much as I can.  Currently I am incorporating  being healthy into enjoying my life.  I’ve been working at staying healthy and gradually getting fitter so the weight gain was a bit of a let down.

The confusing thing is that there are conflicting opinions about whether or not you will gain weight due to increasing muscle mass.  It may seem a bit arbitrary but I am going to chose to believe that my recent weight gain was indeed due to increased muscle.  I am definitely in better shape now than I have been in years.   Having gotten closer to the fit/fun ratio recently I also feel as though I have made some of the mental changes necessary to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  Now I have to forget about the skinny girl fantasy because It is unlikely that I will ever be consumed with exercise so much that I will get there.

Epi-genetics, a love of food and age are conspiring right now to keep me the way I am and always have been I suppose.  Please don’t take this as giving up, because I’m not.  I do however have to accept and be ok with the fact that I will never be super-model thin and quite frankly I would never want to be that unhealthy.